arbitrary stuff that comes to mind: whenever I feel like thinking aloud

Sunday, October 10, 2010

In the shadows of relationships: “Notafrend” and “Justafrend”

“Notafrend” and “Justafrend”
Such a world of difference between them!
I've been both, and I guess sometimes I returned the compliment.
So picture this in your mind for the moment:
You're walking down the road with him or her, and someone sees you.
Oh, is this your new boyfriend?
"No, no - he's just a friend".
You've just become a "Justafrend".
Someone's not ready to acknowledge the relationship yet, and a small pin prick of hurt might just find its way through. Or maybe they don't even notice that there is this budding relationship, and you wonder momentarily whether they ever will.
Any half decent soapy can spin this scenario out into several seasons :-)
Well in the movies and in the soapies things always work out, don't they?
And sometimes it works its way out in real life too.

What about the other one?
The “Notafrend” situation?
How do you know you're one?
Well actually, it's not that difficult.
Small things tell you, for instance:
You find yourself being bcc’d in e-mails.
(Now, this is not to be confused with a secret romance!
That's a completely different situation ...
Of course you're going to be under the radar there!)

No, this is something different.
You find it in the voice when you're with them and someone phones.
You sense the question being posed, and the answer comes out:
"oh, no one really! Who? ummm"
And as they drift away to somewhere a bit more private you hear the voice saying, somewhat quietly, "oh, no - he's not really a friend, just someone I know".
So there you are. You're a “Notafrend”.

Maybe cultures are clashing,
maybe it doesn't do to know this person better.
Maybe.
Maybe you were close to once, and life has brought you back together again. But he or she doesn't feel comfortable with acknowledging their feelings openly, maybe pride holds them back: the fear of looking foolish. Maybe, maybe you're even little happy to go along with it.
Maybe.
“Notafrendz”: when they're gone and you miss them, you wonder how it might have worked out.
Maybe, you think.
Just Maybe.

all images (c) cyril souchon

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